Deviant
I just followed a priest on Medium. For the reason I follow anyone on Medium; I think he’s a great writer and I would like to see more of his writings. And yet, following a priest feels…deviant. I can’t give it any other label. I have this little smirk on my face ever since clicking that follow button. I am aware that has very little to do with the person. That’s just the twisted links in my mind.
It’s partly the catholic church fault. Religion can mess with your sexuality. Even after you’ve rejected it. For some it will have a shaming, crippling effect. And then there’s people like me, who go the other way. Religion has cast me in a role, just for being born female, and I’ve embraced it. To a point where I use this picture as my social media avatar from time to time.
I identify as an atheist these days. But I am still a fan of religion. I love the art, the symbolism, the ceremony aesthetics. I also love the many works of fiction religion inspired. Everything from fairy tales, to The Prophecy movies, to the TV series Supernatural.
I’ve already written about what religion did to my perception of lust:
I think it goes like this: The church made lust a sin; sins are evil; therefore evil things are lust inspiring.
That circles back to the feeling of deviance I have today. I imagine from the perspective of the religious, I am thoroughly corrupted. And proud of it. So for me to follow a priest, would be like him being followed by the enemy. Doesn’t that sound kind of evil?
The part of me that’s standing back, observing, is amused that my catholic schooling is still having this much influence on how I react to things, two decades after deciding I don’t believe any of it.
There’s just no denying the power of religion.
