it doesn’t get much more intimate than physical penetration, does it?
I mean, your argument can’t be dismissed. There’s certainly something there, some sort of universal truth….and yet, I have had conversations with complete strangers at a bar — someone I had never spoken to before and not spoken to since — that felt much more intimate to me than some of the physical penetration I have had. Something about a meeting of minds, a moment of being completely honest and open about myself that is the pinnacle of intimacy, something I strive for but not always achieve with sex. I suppose it’s part of my baggage that this can be easily achieved in a good conversation partner I don’t know and will never know, but can be a struggle with a partner I would want to share my life with.
You say it doesn’t require closeness for it to be intimate, and I have to admit you are correct. I was in no way close to this stranger in the bar I shared a deeply intimate moment with. I just realized my understanding of intimate is about me, and has nothing at all to do with anyone else, even your hypothetical rapist. He might want to force intimacy upon me, but if my walls are up, if I dissociate, he can not penetrate me, only my body. He could inflict harm, but he could never be intimate with me because intimacy can only be granted.
It seems a bit embittered to me … too extreme.
Only if you see all betrayal as unforgivable. I find it interesting that your next thought, after thinking of betrayal, is hate. I don’t think I hated anyone who betrayed me. Disappointed, yes. Mundane betrayal reveals that the “us” of the relationship for them was on a much lower priority.
The reader doesn’t need to know every tiny detail of the relationship … but you do. And for that, you, the author of the tale, must invest in doing so. If you don’t, you don’t know their story. And, if you don’t know their story you can’t tell it.
Do you remember how this conversation got started with me saying I felt like I never wrote a proper break up? lol.
What you say is correct, but all the details I knew was about their (singular) relationship and not their (plural) relationship. They might as well have imagined themselves in a relationship with a cardboard cutout. If you don’t have two people, you don’t have a relationship. At best I had an impression of one.