Oh…God…Shoot me.

Or at least direct me to the nearest hole in the ground so I can sink into it.

You know those moments when you realize you’ve been amazingly ignorant and stupid for like, all your life? No? Good for you. Feeling mortified about yourself isn’t much fun.

Me, I just had one of those moments. And I just have to come clean.

That’s all.

But, if you want the background, here it is: Hassan S. Ali just pointed out in his piece I am not “Big Guy”, men who are heavy and/or tall could do without being called “Big Guy”. It’s very clear and the logic is undeniable. Also I recognized myself. I have called men “Big Guy”. And I felt a little ashamed and I apologized.

Hassan said we’re cool (you’re very kind btw) But, no, we shouldn’t be cool. Because the words “Big Guy” are only half of the story. I started thinking. Why did I use “Big Guy” anyway? My first thought was I meant it as a compliment. I do, actually, but why in heavens name would I think it is a compliment to point out someone’s size? That makes no sense.

Well, the embarrassing truth is, I was using “big guy” ambiguously. It’s said to a man. It’s a comment on size. The term has the word ‘big’ in it. Here I am going through my days unthinkingly assuming men enjoy being called ‘big’. That they would find it flattering.

No, I do consider myself feminist. I roll my eyes at the argument random objectification by strangers is flattering. I do the exact same thing!

(Hangs head in shame)

I am sorry.

And thank you. The wonderful people that hang around in Medium are helping me become a better person every day. I’m not going to say I will stop using the term “Big Guy” as a compliment to men. I’m just going to take care that those men know me and will appreciate the play on words.

Writer of fiction, blogs and erotica. Frequency in that order. Popularity in reverse.

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