I’ve had many heated discussions about this concept and butted heads with a couple of moderators on other sites. I have in fact not talked to a great guy for over 2 years because at some point in a passionate debate he said he would rather see people not communicate then get heated over this topic and so I granted his wish. And when it comes to this sort of thing I can be quite stubborn. (We did make up after those 2 years and are talking again)
The debate in question was over grabbing screen shots of private conversations and posting them in public. Those screen shot, naturally, show men being very much disgusting. But here’s the thing, mostly it’s not a matter of naive guys with little people skills who ‘just don’t know how to talk to people’. Mostly it’s men who know they are being disgusting and do so anyway, because there are no consequences to being disgusting to women in a private online chat. Because ‘classy ladies’ don’t call them out. Because ‘classy ladies’ are conditioned to keep quiet. Because this ‘classy lady’ actually altered her settings on social media so only friends can even send a private message -I really do not feel like submitting myself to that kind of filth every damned day. So yes, I am ranting to myself as well because I am just as guilty of this bullshit.
And as the story I linked to shows, when the guy gets called out directly, he is pleading with her to not tell other people. They know.
Because that would be the one thing that will make this nonsense stop, wouldn’t it? When they get shamed in public. When their reputation is on the line. When other women find out how disgusting they are, before they can make them find out first hand.
There’s women out there who refuse to keep quiet, who send unsolicited dick pics to the sender’s mother after a bit of Facebook research. I admire these ladies so much. We should all agree that they are the classy ones. The ones who defend their own honor.
But the reality is, naming and shaming is scary. And potentially hurts the lady more than it hurts the guy. I don’t really blame anyone who keeps quiet. I get it. I do it too.
But, I am going to call out this ‘class’ non sense. It’s not ‘classy’. It’s self-preservation at best and cowardice at worse. Calling out the class myth isn’t as good as shaming, but at least it’s pointing in the right direction. Baby steps.