It often happens that topics get stuck in my head because I don’t understand them. There is no way for me to relate to them, or I can only relate for very specific circumstances but not as general concept. Maybe it’s a matter of people taking those specific circumstances and speaking about them in language that implies generalization and the disconnect is on my side…but I’m hearing this often enough that I do not think this is the case.
The thing I’ve been wondering about lately, is the need to be perceived as strong in a defense against…eh, something? Losing. Although I do not know what this losing would look like.
It was put most elegantly here
That old maxim, “To know me is to love me” — I always wanted to re-write it: “To know me is to know how to defeat me.”
MichaelHainey is writing about it as if it is something unique to men. But that’s nonsense. There are just as many women who are living with the same mindset.
He mentions work competition, and yeah, I can see some situations where someone is set out to ‘defeat’ you. But he has the same problem having a meal with a friend. Um…why would you see your friends as being out to defeat you? And if they are, why do you still call them ‘friend’?
I’ve know so many people who treat everything as a competition. I wonder what they feel they stand to gain. I wonder what they feel they could lose. If you keep score on everything, how do you even define the points?
So, trying to get a bit more insight, I scrolled through some tags I felt were related to my question and I stumbled over a completely new perspective (for me anyway) that makes it look even more pointless.
And that’s this: Trying to hide your weaknesses is futile, because anyone can deduct them from your strengths; both originate from the same personality trait. Two sides of the same coin. You will be forever frustrated with the score because at some point, anyone who really is out to defeat you, will (by design or not) pull some judo shit and flip that strength over to expose that weakness which will defeat you -But only because you have decided that is what counts as a defeat. (yes people make it very hard and complicated on themselves)
So the questions have become: Why did we decide certain things leave us vulnerable? And when we did, have we considered the question vulnerable to what? To whom? What effect does this vulnerability have, exactly. What horrible, terrible thing could possibly occur that we could not live through and deal with?
What are we so afraid of?
…..is that hiding of ‘weaknesses’ really secretly the calling card of a pussy?….
Think about it. If you read anything, hear anything, about a person who just said “Fuck it. Here’s my personal vulnerability. Here’s my weakness. Look at it in all its ugliness and glory” -what is the thing people say most?
“You’re so brave”
“You’re so strong”
“You’re a hero for <group>”
Here’s a challenge for 2016.
What’ the worse that could happen?