I would say “couldn’t we all?” but I think it would take a particular type of person to be able to pull it off, if they weren’t … a consummate actor — the tests for it are carefully designed such that only the irredeemably mentally enfeebled would be incapable of spotting what answers they were supposed to give in order to avoid detection

That’s comforting. I haven’t been trained in any of this, I just like reading up on theories and studies. I wouldn’t know what those tests look like. I just know that tests (IQ, personality, whatnot) in general tend to create controversy from time to time, and it seems really hard to make a good one.

And who in their right mind would try to get themselves diagnosed with it in the first place anyway!?

As an excuse? As I read it that’s the whole premise of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde — the underlying desire to act against all social standards everyone has at some point in time. The diagnosis would be just as much excuse to do “things” as the potion was. No one in their right mind would want to create a potion like that, either. But it’s kinda liberating and intoxicating. So you can tell yourself you don’t really have control, there’s a disorder that makes you do whatever you would want to do. It also gives this sense that you could turn back from it, that you could get a cure and return to a normal person. It gives a free check to cash in. People who are in their right mind turn to fiction, be it books, movies or games to live out those fantasies. But it’s the same thing.

The thing is though that, once we have seen through them, what they really are is so blindingly obvious that we really do question our own sanity.

Yeah, I’ve been trough my own mind-fuck of this kind. That’s why I started reading up on human behavior in the first place.

I’m not really as observant as you make me out to be. I can be downright oblivious. I remember once I was at a bar, playing pinball. I like pinball and I was on a roll, getting a multiball and raking up points. When I finally turned around I noticed the bar was dead silent. So I asked “Why is it so quiet all of a sudden?” and my friends got a bit angry with me “Did you honestly not notice the police raid with half a dozen big fucking drug dogs that JUST HAPPENED?”

Nope. Completely missed it. And I didn’t have anything illegal on me so they just let me be.

What you see, is not so much observation and analysis as the result of my own questioning of my sanity and intelligence — self study on the topic coupled with a slightly better than average memory. Once you’ve been told what to look for it’s so easy to see patterns in people. Especially on social media where social filters are often turned off.

when you propose that I’m a dom in denial

Interesting that stuck with you. I mean I know it’s a small button of yours and you are dancing on that “protesting too much” territory whenever it’s pushed. Since you’re bringing it up again, I wonder which one of us you’re trying to convince…

Honestly tho, being a Dom and having an equal partner are not mutually exclusive. There’s a wide spectrum of how such relationships look like and no one would insist every Dom needs a subordinate punching bag. There’s a good reason words like “play” and “scene” are commonly used in BDSM.

do I detect the hint of a wistful desire to roleplay there?

Oooooh. Are you offering to roll up a character sheet?

Writer of fiction, blogs and erotica. Frequency in that order. Popularity in reverse.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store