Violet, I like you. I read a lot of what you write. And I agree with a lot of what you write. But I have to speak up for a moment, because there’s something irking me.
I am not going to say you are wrong. You are probably very right. You are also prejudiced. You are making decisions based on prior experience with different people. You pretty much say this yourself, you are basing your reaction on your experiences growing up and your job.
We all do that. It’s how we learn. It serves us well.
But sometimes it goes a little overboard. You are saying things, honest things, which mean one thing to you but can mean something else to someone else. The message you are trying to communicate is not coming over as intended. Do you know what people could hear you say?
They could hear
“You are not acting the way a proper victim should”
“You are not responding in a manner I find convenient”
“I know better what the impact on this elderly gentleman is, than the gentleman himself”
I know they could hear this, because I could hear this. But because I’ve seen you around, because I have the context of your previous writing, and because I am not emotionally involved — none of this is directed at me — I am able to overwrite the conditioning of my own mind, and translate your words into a message you are much more likely to be wanting to communicate.
Yes, you are getting hostility. This hostility, something tells me it is in large part an translation issue. You are writing and reading the same words, but understand a different message.
I know because “Your twisting things” has been a problem for me for so long, I need to stop and remind myself that 99.9% of people do not actually maliciously twist things, that’s just my mind’s battle scars. Miscommunications are so much more likely.