Writing about the nail
Have you seen “It’s not about the nail”? You should, otherwise this story is not going to make much sense. It will only take 2 minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O11_Ma20Rk
There are some problems with this video. There always are when you generalize. But I don’t think anyone can deny it’s based on one big frustrating truth when it comes to relationship dynamics. Frustrating for both sides.
Three times in a short time span seems to be the minimum requirement for my mind to start throwing up ‘trend’ flags. Oh I know, “the plural of anecdote isn’t data”. Good thing I am not a scientist. Just opinionated. And I just read my third piece that makes me say “Oh no, this is a trend.” I have been wondering if I should link it. I will, it’s beautifully written.
This is the third time I read a “My writing is a threat to my romantic relationship” type story on Medium.
Wait, no, it’s the fourth instance. The first would be my personal experience. That’s an important piece of information. Because it is coloring how I am interpreting these stories. Before I get to telling all about my personal experience, before I get to making it seem like I am saying these women are somehow doing it wrong, before I am going to project myself unto others, I wanted to write out my consideration that maybe I am wrong. Maybe these relationships are healthy, loving, supporting relationships, unlike my previous one. Maybe they are just writing about the nail.
That would certainly be a way to side step the frustrating dynamic. A way to express yourself about the nail without having someone try to fix the nail. The reason they wouldn’t want their significant other to read what they wrote “If you knew you would just try to fix it and I only need to be heard”. When all you need to deal with the nail all on your own is a couple of voices who say “Yeah, me too. I understand”
I can see how writing about the nail would benefit a relationship by avoiding frustration and conflict. How someone can still feel completely safe with their partner and still would not want them to read their writings. I do hope this is the case and all the rest, is just me.
